My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
