hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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