dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
