so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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