I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize