i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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