Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
