So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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