Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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