I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
