how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
