and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
