At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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