we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think my moral compass just broke
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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