I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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