i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
