i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
