Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We smell like vodka and hangover
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