if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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