This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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