Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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