I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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