I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
