Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize