moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
