We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
