He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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