They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
