We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
