You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize