I puked a lego.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
