She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
