I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I need water and some morals
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