Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
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Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
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HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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