it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
