im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
