Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize