Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
