Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
