I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You have to summon your inner elephant
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
