Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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