There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
