Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
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my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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