Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pants are for mortals
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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