I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize