I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just invented taco cereal.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
