Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
