I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
