y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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