bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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