hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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