dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
