Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
