i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
is wine microwaveable?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
