We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
