I love having hate sex.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
