Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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