he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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