Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
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Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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