Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
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one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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